Number Eight
by Alalaes
Summary: Encounters on dark roads mean oh so many ways to die. (Missing-nin AU, Ficlet, Written for the 2016 KakaSaku Last Fan Standing contest)


-OOO-

Her hand was steady on the blade.

The second thing Kakashi noticed was the hair. It fell to her shoulders in uneven chunks, the shampoo scent clogging his nose was actually the one Pakkun insisted on buying (' _Minty Rain Forest Mist!_ ') and of course, it was ridiculously unrepentantly _pink_.

What was probably considered exotic on a civilian looked absurd on a shinobi. If her aim was to be underestimated by opponents, then undoubtedly most would oblige her. Good thing he'd been redefining all the developmental milestones since his dearly departed mother squeezed his bawling hide out from between her scarred and tremendously muscled thighs. It would've been easy, so easy, to make some sort of sarcastic quip, to turn his back, scoffing about little girls and pointy objects … alas, the sharingan was burning like he'd gotten a face full of fireball jutsu blowback and her hand was steady on the blade … But that was it, wasn't it? Appearances. Appearances were a shinobi's rice and miso. Her hand was steady on the blade and she'd managed to touch his very S-Class self with her very shiny tanto.

Just as he felt her blade begin a deadly slide across his femoral, Kakashi decided some calm-as-can-be stalling was in order.

"I see this ending in one of two ways."

The kunoichi paused, raising one comically fluorescent eyebrow.

"One, our stalemate continues until some random village-nin shows up and I can't see that working out well for either of us," he told her, gaze flicking to her scratched forehead protector, a twin to his own conspicuous eye-patch. (Dead useful as it was, if he'd known the sharingan was so damn _fussy_ –because apparently it had certain needs—he would've never grave-robbed that suspicious-looking cave all those years ago.)

At this, her eyes narrowed into slits.

"Two, you tell me your name, what hair dye you use and we continue on our separate ways forgetting we ever ran into each other," he suggested.

The kunoichi bared a lovely set of teeth at him, her eyes practically drilling themselves into his skull. "Thanks, but no thanks, how about I show you just how sharp my tanto really is and continue on my separate way?"

That blood-thirsty look ... Kakashi felt his pulse jump from 'barely awake' to 'vaguely interested'. When was the last time a pretty kunoichi gave him a look like that? He cocked his head, eyes curving into half-moons.

"Well you could … but if you show me yours then I'd have to show you mine," he replied, tapping the previously unnoticed kunai against the exposed skin of her armpit, which also happened to house the oh-so fragile axillary artery.

He recalled a few months ago—over some admittedly very shitty saké—one of his merc buddies regaling him in his usual enthusiastic manner (but heavily slurred Earth country accent) about the top ten most ridiculously funny deaths he'd ever seen. And of course coming in at number eight …

 _"Eight, un? Oh yah, armpit bleed out. AHaHHa! Yah know 'dat 'ting was gushn' like someone had 'der finger over 'der garden hose … made it twenty steps, 'den BAM! Face meet dirt! AaHAhahaa! Un!"_ Cue much arm waving, wasted sake and wasted shinobi.

There were less dignified ways to go definitely, but for a shinobi, it would be … embarrassing. And while Kakashi had seen and utilised many weird and wonderful methods of slaughter he couldn't remember ever seeing 'armpit bleed out'. Somehow it had never come to that, of course, he'd give it his best …

Abruptly, the kunoichi frowned and straightened.

At this, he breathed a huge (internal) sigh of relief. He really hadn't time for this. He'd just put Pakkun's jaw-buster treats in the oven when he'd realised he'd forgotten to buy the dipping sauce. At this point he'd be lucky if they were just burnt round the edges …

"Fine. But mark my words Copy Ninja _Kakashi_ ," she said pronouncing his name with the same sort of derisiveness most did when talking about Imperial Court politics, "follow me and there won't be anything left for even the hunter-nin to burn."

 _Was that a …_

As threats went, it was probably one of the politest he'd ever had the pleasure of receiving.

 _Cute._

He adjusted his mask slightly, already feeling a light flush rise on his cheeks.

"It's natural by the way," she snapped, dusting off her clothes.

"Natural?" he repeated.

"Why would I ever need to use dye?" she said in quite possibly the haughtiest tone anyone had ever used with him. "Oh and don't you think your bingo book entry is a little dramatic? 'Prepare your best suicide jutsu' really?" she mocked.

He blinked. "Maa …"

She sniffed, looked down her nose at him like he was some sort of despicable insect and nimbly leapt into the treeline. An opalescent gleam winked at him through the trees as she passed into the horizon.

Kakashi shrugged, picked up his fallen shopping bag and gave a lazy wave after her retreating form.

 _Saa, she forgot to introduce herself … with hair like that, probably find her in the Kiri book … Minty Rain Forest Mist Shampoo is limited edition … easy to track …_

It was a shame though. Pakkun would've looked adorable in that colour.

-OOO-

A/N: Found another old KakaSaku Last Fan Standing 2016 snippet. Adapted from Day 14, prompt was - 'Opalescent'. Anyway, didn't have to do much with this since it was so short, but it's uni holidays and I'm bored (and loving it). By the way, I feel like I have to inform the wider web whilst simultaneously knocking on my wooden desk that I've been having a run of good luck lately and I'm very thankful. So thank you universe.


End file.
